Seraph was right...

As a big fan of the Matrix trilogy films, I find a lot of one-liners I have an affinity for.  One, in particular, came to mind when I was at a party not too long ago.  A couple, who I've known for a few years, I'm good friends with disclosed that they never fought.  Keep in mind now, they are married and to have claimed they've never had a fight floored me.  They both said they're laid back and just never fought.  This immediately made me think of what Seraph said in his encounter with Neo in Reloaded, "You don't truly know someone until you fight them."

That quote is very true and it is especially true when it comes to relationships.  It should be obvious to everyone that no two people are exactly alike.  From that one fact alone, we can logically deduce that no two people think alike and therefore will eventually run into a difference of opinion, given enough time and assuming both parties are honest with their opinions.

I like thinking about people, or individuals, as water balloons.  They come in different shapes and experience is the water that fills them up that defines their current state and shape.  The shape and lines demarcate its limits.  When left alone, the water balloon is in its natural form and in the state it wants to be in.  I call this the comfort zone.  But sometimes the water balloon is put under pressure and is pressed up against its limits (e.g. the elasticity of the rubber).  And this is how people also react to pressure.  Some tend to focus and hone in like a laser and others fall apart.  The pressure is too much and they react badly.

The point is, anyone can make easy decisions because we are not confronted with our own limitations.  If you ask Usain Bolt to run 100m in one minute, that's easy.  In fact, that's easy for almost anyone who can walk.  It's easy because we are not pressed up against our limitations.  Perhaps that is how the word 'easy' is defined.  I never really thought about it until now.  However, keep halving the time requirement to 30s, then 15s and suddenly, many of us start dropping off like flies because at the cellular level, we can't produce enough ATP (adenosine triphosphate) to contract the muscles to propel us to travel 100m in 7.5 seconds.  Even the speedy Usain Bolt runs into, perhaps the human limit.  Maybe what defines being human, when it comes to 100m sprinting, is the production of so many ATP units per millisecond that only Usain Bolt, with his genetics, has discovered through intense training.  For a cheetah, it's something much higher and maybe that's what defines the difference between humans and cheetahs, when it comes to this specific task (running 100m).

Whatever defines us as humans can also apply to whatever defines us as individuals.  If the definition of a species can be defined as a set of limitations then defining oneself can also be described as a set of limitations.  Each person has a 'breaking point' for various things like patience, love, hate, cleanliness, organization, disorganization, etc.  Most of us live in the middle somewhere and we call that the 'comfort zone.'  But to understand or know someone is to know their limits.  The only way to do that is to push those limits and see how they react.

Children test limits all the time - almost instinctively.  You set a rule and immediately children are out there testing them.  They want to see what you will do and if you really believe in the rule or not.  They are constantly checking for consistency in the real world and the ones we create for ourselves.  It is only through testing boundaries and limits that we come to gain any kind of knowledge at all.  This applies to everything in the universe and other humans are not exempt from this.

Proper relationship building is precisely this process being repeated over and over again.  It's not that you want to look for a fight but fighting is the natural outcome of two individuals being honest with themselves and then bumping into the boundaries of their partner.  After a while, you gain an understanding of where the boundaries are and realizing you can honestly be in your comfort zone while your partner can also do the same.

The reason why people have to argue in a healthy relationship is because the dating process requires both parties to slowly open up as they get more comfortable with each other.  The beginning of the dating phase requires not being in your comfort zone.  In fact, you have to put yourself into an extreme limit of yourself (e.g. presenting your best face).  In fact, this makes sense to some degree.  It's the most efficient way of weeding out those you are incompatible with.  If you can't stand someone who is presenting their best version of themselves, you will never be able to tolerate that person in their comfort zone.

If you don't fight with your partner regularly, you don't know really know them.  You are either not being honest with yourself or you do fight but want to create the illusion that you have a perfect relationship.  Either way, there are unresolved issues for avoiding the truth.