Why men and women can't be friends

This is something I've thought about throughout my life ever since I watched the movie, 'When Harry Met Sally.'  It was a question that has resonated in my life and had contemplated many times.  I've also debated this with my wife as well as many friends of mine.  I figure I'll blog about something a little more lighthearted and fun.

So basically my opinion on the matter is men and women cannot really be friends.  We can make up reasons on why we can but these are just lies we tell ourselves as men.  Women on the other hand truly do believe that men and women can be friends.  It's funny how uniformly this opinion is.  Almost all women think men and women can be friends and some men think the same while other men (who I think are honest) admit they really can't be friends.  To paraphrase Chris Rock, men become friends with women by accident.

The idea is men will want to have sex with women they find attractive at some level.  We can safely assume any categorically "hot" women (like Victoria Secret models) will have many male "friends" in their minds.  The question to examine is if a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive.  Billy Crystal's answer to that is that men will still want to have sex with them too.  However, my assertion is if a man cannot find a woman attractive at any level (personality or otherwise) they would not find themselves being friends with that person.  Whatever that woman could provide in terms of value, the man can get the same from another man.

So my assertion is if a man is "friends" with a woman, he has to find them attractive at some level for whatever reason.  Now a man who is friends with another man also finds value in the friendship but because they are the same gender and are both heterosexual, find value in pure character alone.  When the genders are different where sexual attraction becomes possible, the value is then tainted.  For example, if a man enjoys good conversation with another male friend, he can appreciate the friendship at face value.  Now consider a heterosexual man enjoying a good conversation with a female friend.  Maybe the conversation was very good at face value or maybe the conversation was partially enhanced because he's attracted to her at some level, conscious or not.  It becomes a possibility he cannot ignore.

One of the other reasons why women can't seem to understand why men and women can't be friends is men and women are built completely different in terms of attraction.  Men can be instantly attracted to a woman.  Women are built differently on choosing a mate.  Looks alone can't do it.  They are hard wired to pick mates who can assist them in raising a child.  This means they must look beneath the surface and find qualities that will make them want to mate with them.   Things like having a sense of humor, confidence, ambition and of course good looks.

Now, if we frame the question differently to women so that they find themselves in the same position as a man would be in (e.g. at first sight) like the following question:

"Suppose you met a man who could make you laugh, feel comfortable, was good looking and had a really good job and would make a good husband, would you be okay being friends with him?"

I'm sure they'd have a hard time just being friends with such a person.

If that's true, then it should send a clear message to any guy who's in the "friend-zone" to move on.  You don't have the qualities she's looking for.

The main problem is timing.  Both men and women can feel physical attraction immediately.  However, women need more time to weed out those they cannot sleep with.  For men, it's almost instantaneous.  And there lies the problem.  While a man is waiting to figure out a way to sleep with a woman, the woman is putting the man through her tests.  As time keeps passing, a man either becomes more attractive or less attractive.  Of course, if you're not dating the girl by then, you already know which camp you belong to.

The best way to get a girl to decide to date you or not is to refuse to be friends with her and force her to give you a chance or free you up to pursue other interests.